By: McKenna McKrell
Interpersonal relationships are often defined by societal norms — implicit rules that concretely affect how we interact with others. The relationship between a parent and child is a prime example: how someone chooses to parent their child is personal, and yet is often shaped by cultural context.
In an effort to understand how these relationships may have looked in earlier time periods, including the Medieval period, we are often pushed to texts to draw out those deeply embedded attitudes and perspectives.
Giovanni Bocaccio’s The Decameron and Ibn ‘Abd Rabbih’s The Unique Necklace are two Medieval texts that reveal a snapshot of how parents and children interacted in the Western and Eastern Medieval worlds. In comparing these distinct texts one not only uncover perspectives on the parent-child relationship, but also find middle ground across two regions, languages, and cultures.
The Decameron is a piece of 14th century Italian literature, framed as ten young people who have fled a plague-ridden city telling a series of stories. The vignettes contain entertaining tropes and characters, but also reveal some of the very real attitudes and norms that probably surrounded manners and relationships at the time.
In one story, a young woman falls in love with a man of lesser stature, and secretly marries him. When he dies in her arms one night, the young woman and her maid try to carry the man away but they are caught and brought to the podesta. The podesta attempts to rape the girl and then marry her (Bocaccio 355), but the father intervenes to help his daughter.
Most intriguing in this story is the role of the father. When his daughter collapses in tears, remorseful for marrying the man in secret, her father replies, “if you had chosen a man who pleased you, then he would have pleased me as well. But to think that you concealed your choice because you have so little trust in me, well, that saddens me” (Boccaccio 356). In anticipating a cruel reaction from her father, the girl reflects a norm of parental consent and consequential opinions in marriage matches. The acceptance and pain that the father expresses reveals an attitude of genuine concern for his daughter, further revealing the importance of trust and communication in familial relationships.
The tone of this story is not humorous or satirical, suggesting that the father’s character should be read seriously. Since the father is framed as subverting his daughter’s expectation, it does not seem fair to claim that such an attitude among father’s was common. Rather, one might venture to guess that the idea was entertaining or desirable — perhaps only realistic in a work of fiction.
By contrast, in The Unique Necklace, these norms and attitudes are expressed directly instead of hiding beneath the narrative. Considered a classic of Arabic literature, this 9th or 10th century Adab — a genre of texts in the Islamic world often translated to mean “custom” — uses quoted letters and stories to direct the audience on how to interact with peers, family, and kings.
One of the first sections on parenting that the audience encounters is on “disciplining the young” (Rabbih 232), including a quote from a letter where a father permits a teacher to beat the son with a whip three times, though he goes on to describes him as “the dearest soul to me” (Rabbih 233). The very next chapter focuses on “the love of children” (Rabbih 233), which similarly reflects dual attitudes towards children.
One quoted letter from this latter section reads, “If they [children] ask for anything, give it to them; and if they become angry, pacify them; they will then give you their affection and will love you to their utmost, and don’t be strict with them lest they get tired of life with you” (Rabbih 233). This quote represents that the parent-child relationship is not only beneficial for the child, but for the parent: they desire love from their children, and will be mild and unconditional in many ways to ensure it.
Still, a later section presents the unique relationship dynamics between a girl and her family, complicating the picture: “Put her away from you…for, by God, females give birth to enemies, get married to distant strangers, and bequeath grudges'' (Rabbih 234). The father holding his daughter then responds, describing how daughters are valuable as caretakers and comforts. Though the father’s defense might be perceived as reductionary, it really imbues value on these roles and reflects how the love of a parent can overcome pervasive and negative attitudes.
While these texts are just two from a sea of Medieval texts — and thus hard to draw really decisive conclusions from — they present an interesting case study on how we can use written sources to identify the uncodified rules that shape relationships. Beyond appreciating the value of these sources independently, their ability to find commonality is notable.
These texts contrast in a number of important ways: they were composed in different languages, for different purposes, at different time periods, and in different places. Yet, both offer a similar picture of the Medieval parent-child relationship. While a parent’s harsh concern is reflected both in the frightened expectations of the love-stricken daughter and the instructions on punishing the learning son, mutual care, love, and trust is equally apparent.
In finding middle ground, these texts not only reveal attitudes that spanned the Medieval world, but invite one to consider a more timeless reflection on parenting — one that speaks to the modern reader, too.
For Further Reading
Giovanni Boccaccio’s The Decameron. Translated by Wayne A. Rebhorn. W.W. Norton & Company.
Ibn ‘Abd Rabbih’s The Unique Necklace. Translated by Professor Issa J. Boullata. Garnet publishing.
Adab, Britannica. https://www.britannica.com/art/adab-literature.
Decameron, Britannica. https://www.britannica.com/topic/Decameron.
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